Lecture notes!!

W.h.Y?

Why?

Why is that people always want what I want?

T.h.E r.E.a.L D.e.A.l (1)…………

I wish I could  rewind them all back, correct the many errors and hit play.

Or,

Throw away the current damn existing rusty book, buy a new one and write on it the way I wanna write, the way its suppose to be from the start.

But never possible.

What’s done is done.

It’s a long winding road that you can never turn back .

You just keep walking and walking and walking………………………..

I think am tired.

Sigh.

O.h Y.e.A.h I.t.S b.A.c.K b.A.B.Y!!!!!! ….

 

So happen that I blocked people from coming here and intruding my “decent” ahem ahem writting (coughs).

But………

A few weeks ago I met Catherine babe for dinner at Old town’s cafe. It was such a huge relieve to get to see her and talk to her!! So, somewhere along the looooooooonnnngggggggg talking she said :

Cat : ” Hey I  like the way you write, its different and its just soooooooooo you”

    D : Huh? How different? ( confused look )

Cat : I mean its just so you, that’s you!!

    D : Thanks. But I blocked it though, I don’t like it when unnecessary peeps are reading it. 

Cat : Hahahahahahhaa, your funny!!

    D : Serious??? I thought people didn’t like it cos it’s too cold. 

Cat : But it is just so you, that’s how you think, talk and blah blah blah.  :)

    D : Yeah, I guess you’re right. But whenever I write, people take it the other way around and they interpret it real bad, oh my!!

 Cat : But that’s just you lar, if they got it wrong then they just don’t know you. Hahahahahhahahaaahahahahhaa.

     D :  Yeah, true.

Hence, the blog is back and hell yeah its soooooooo gonna stay!!

So, “whoever” you are , that’s reading this…………

Welcome to D’s sanctuary.

This is my silver mine and a place where gold is refined.

Or ….

You may call it….

The lion’s den?

Gates of death? 

I mean whatever you call it.

I know that I too  am surrounded by mockers, yet this is mine so keep the censuring to yourself and whatever!! If you’re still gonna mock me, then continue doing that!!!

Go ahead making faces, opening wide your mouth and sticking out your tongue.

Can I tolerate this??

Yes,  definitely !

 So keep silent and let me speak cos this will be my own risk!!

But one thing though, I am wearing my honesty like a garment, my integrity as my robe and turban and the bow ever strong in my grip.

Like a friend said, ” I can work on certain things but the others are just plain me. If I am ever gonna change that, that would mean to change me and to be someone else that I can never be!!!

So, love me or leave me”

I can’t please everyone and you too have a choice not to please me. Trust me, hell yeah it doesn’t bug me if that’s how it’s gonna be and I can only see it as a very fine balance.

I am a wild ass that has her freedom and I come with loosed bonds of the wild donkey.

Or…

I am like a bottled up wine or a wineskin bursting with wine.

Didn’t get it??

All am trying to say is I have to speak to find relief, open my lips and make reply. I will be partial to no one and will not flatter any man.

If this allowed your eyes to languish? Then am sorry cos you just gotta deal with it.

Thank you.

God bless.

P.s : Cat babe, thanks for everything. Thanks for accepting me the way I am and off course correcting me here and there. I love you babe *hugs*. To the blog, thanks for the originality!!! To my stalkers, welcome ( whoever you are ).

W.h.A.t T.o D.o????……

What do you do when a  loved ( family, relatives, friends, neighbours and blah blah blah….) one of yours makes a wrong decision?

Ok,ok.

Or perhaps it wasn’t and never would be a wrong decision at all. But, deep down my heart I am worried that something is wrong. Something just doesn’t seem to feel right and I ask myself why the heck do I have to care so much???

Too bad. Can’t be helped. That’s how I am and I do care.

But what to do??? I am not in the place where I can sit beside you and talk to you. There is nothing I can do. My hands are bound. Lips sealed.

But there is just something soooo wrong!!

Damn.

I guess I could only pray for you. Yes!! Pray to the Lord that he guides you and no harm will come upon you in time of disaster. I pray that he will send his angels to lift u up so that your foot will not hit a stone.

 Because I know that no matter what the Lord takes care and there is nothing much to worry about then.

I guess that’s all that can be done ….by me.

 

“ O Lord, my heart is not proud of nor do I expect too much. I am not engrossed in ambitious matters, nor in things too great for me. I have quited and stilled my soul like a weaned child on its mother’s lap; like a contented child is my soul. Hope in the Lord, O Israel, now, and forever ”

- psalm 131(130) -

So, God bless.

I w.A.s. 1o. O.n.C.e……

Karangan Terbaik UPSR 2007.

Karangan budak darjah 4

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu. Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang. Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua. Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu. Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris. Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

Now that was damn hillarious, above came to me through email from a dear friend of mine. Thanks Lemmy Yoke Chen.

Well, It kinda reminded when I was ten!!!

Hell, that was thirteen years ago when I was still an obesed kid and short of stature with a bad hair cut.

Those were the days in primary school where the teachers made us write tons and tons of essays like above but obviously my writtings were not as creative as the above but however it always managed to give me A’s for my ”penulisan” papers.

When I was ten, I was also elected as the class monitor as my teacher and I was indeed a threat to my classmates. ( shouting and yelling at them and threatening them!!! heheheheheheheehheehe)  :)

Carrying note books for my teachers , and the tall piles of notebooks usually covers my sights that I havta walk ,”terhuyung hayang” to the staff room.

Being the teachers pet most of the time!! Hehehhehehehehehehee

Always getting number ”one” in class. ( without doing much of studying )

Waking up to the alarm at six in the morning every monday to friday and by the way the alarm was my beloved oldman himself ( he was my alarm till I came to this dreadful Jogja)    Then as soon as i wake up I’ll rush into the bathroom ……bathe, brush my teeth then go back to bed shouting from my room , ”I am getting ready. Coming down in a while.” Then, will continue sleeping like extra thirty more minutes……..until…………oldman finds out of course and starts to roar again. Hehehehehhehhhehehehehehe

Wait, did I say sleeping????

Yes, I remember having a sleeping disease when I was very young. Mum said I kinda inherited it from oldman and that if we join a sleeping competition, we might as well get first prize!!!

I remember coming back from school then straight going to sleep with my school uniform!!! ( Yeah, yeah, you can say that I was abnormal, but I guess its true )  

Then I will never wake up let it be lunch time or dinner time. But, one things sure wakes me up!!! Did I mentioned that I had the most scariest and fiercest mama in the school at that time as my class teacher???? So, I had to wake up only an hour to do my homework then I am off to bed again.

Wakes up the next day for school and wears a new clean uniform prepared ready for me by mum

The school canteen……..was ”ok lar”. I miss the ”roti canai” though. Eating ”nasi lemak” for almost everyday was way too much though.

Having a big bunch of friends and ”lepaking” at their homes after school was fun. 

Buying junk food everyday after my classes was in my daily routine too. Now, no wonder I was an obesed kid !!! Getting a ride back from school on my oldman’s bike was rather much fun and he never dropped me even once. I havta say that he is the only bike rider that I trust completely even up to today.

Waiting in the evening for oldman to return from work because I knew then that he will surely bring me back my chocolates. 

Calling my ”geng” over to play carom with oldman and boy he did cheat us alot while we were not looking . Hmnnnnnn.

Bullying the little ones at home at that time because they were so tiny. Hehhehehehehhehehe. Like taking their candies away. Ngehehehehehehhehee.

Going to the church every Sunday and dozing off during the mass because they just seemed damn bloody boring.

Accumulating my home work from Monday to Friday and only start working on them like Sunday night after 8 p.m. Hehehehhehehehee

Totally loved the ”pendidikan seni” periods.   That’s when we get to draw and colour.

Going out and playing badminton or football in the evening.

Thirteen years have passed and yet I still feel like a ten year old stuck in a 23 year olds body. There were other things too that should be mentioned here but I guess memories just fades away. Above are just random memories of mine when I was young. I still can’t believe that I am 23 and damn I am getting old.

Gaya was right, life is too short. Why waste on it? Live life to the fullest and enjoy.

God bless everyone.

p.s : missing oldman and treasa at home

S.i.L.e.N.c.E, e.M.p.T.y.N.e.S.s A.n.D. c.O.n.F.u.S.i.O.n.S…..

 

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

(Author : Bek, http://100-poems.com/poems/sad/0985001.htm )

F.u.N.n.Y…

It seems funny to me when I see those people who says one thing and does another ( I am perhaps one of them without realising it).

  Or shall I call it as confusing? Strange? Amusing?

 I do not know.

 I realised that people could say one thing at a time and rather oddly behave against what they said the other time ( Oops, maybe they forgot what they actually went around and told people ). But how is that possible, the person that you talked not well off for the past nearly three years and you were not even close to liking this person in anyway and anyhow you could just put up and act in front of the person with your thoughtful smiles and cheerful laughter???

Wow, what a good PR you have there!!!

Way to go !!

 Shall I come and give you a nice pat on your back ???

However, I still wonder if you ever feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed when you look at this person in the eye and talk to them while you fake it all the way? Or do you feel that you just found yourself in awre for the moments that you actually get to talk to this person because you always wanted to talk to this person but this person never respondent towards you and now that you have the opportunity, you get to talk to the person?? I am rather confused here because I obviously do not understand people (you).

Or, wait……..

Is it one of you tactics to still talk impolite things about this person as soon as the person walks away after talking with you so you can humbly go and report the crucial details to your fellow so called companions so that you and your soul companions get to enjoy the other person’s misery, laugh all about the person as much as you can and also you would not mind adding a few extra ugly details about the person and oh yes obviously you do think that the person would not  mind of you doing so because it is only a few extra ugly details about the person anyway and what you care if they ache!!

It is indeed totally amazing to see how certain people who had so much of malicious things to say to other certain people, five people, three people, two people or even one people has even got the mighty courage to even open up their evil rotten mouth and say ……………..

a few nice words to them.

 Indeed surprising.

 Then you say more words and give the person an angelic smile and fake it throughout the way of the end of the conversation!!! Huh?While you talk emptily with the hidden intent of gathering slanderous gossip, I cannot help myself with my curiosity which is rather asking me to ask you how do you feel while carrying out the act?

Do you?

1) Feel your cataracts thunder when you actually have to look at the person whom you have said so much of nasty things about and you feel guilty of doing so?

2) Feel that you are actually afraid that your whole being might suffer in mortal agony as you realised your guilt of saying harsh things about this person?

3) Feel like you are being driven into a horrid pit, into the quagmire of the bog that you realise that you cannot wait to go for the next round of your confession for the forgiveness of sins in the church as you finally realised that you should not have slipped a few bad details about the other person to anyone who you can find with a pair of ears?

4) Feel your wounds stick and fester within you, an obvious outcome to your sinful folly?

Or perhaps you do not feeling anything of the above 1 to 4 but……….

Do you?

1) Have awesome and cool chats with  the person that you have been bitching about like nothing has happened before, pretend that you never bitched about him or her, become him or hers best friend or even you are thinking of gloating over him or her and you also might as well take advantage of their weaknesses because you do not have to feel guilty of what you said simply for the reason that what happened in the past remained in the past and you are convinced this person that you are talking to is such an idiot because he or she did not even realised all those malicious things that you much enjoyed with your other fellow companions?

2) Tell yourself that it is okay to  pretend to be nice and to talk to this person ( it was never the victim’s fault anyway ) now because you told yourself  with pride once upon a time  that you  will never talk to this kinda people ( you said : Ewwww, not me, what kinda lifestyle do they have, it makes me sick to the stomach) because your  fellow companions are depending on you  for more juicy hot gossips about this person?

3) Feel that you are confident enough to fake it and make far more smooth conversations in the future and get into the inner circles of the person and well you never know that it might as well make you feel so good?

Anyway, the point is that I just do not understand people. Whether they are faking it or not faking it. Whether they are being sincere or not sincere. Or even they might convince themselves that it is not the biggest sins in the world.

But, it always bugs me to see that this kind of people always gets away with it.

However, myself today after witnessing something which was rather like what I have described above today reminded myself of the lovely beatitudes..

Blessed are the poor in spirit, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

Blessed are they who mourn, they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, they will be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the clean of heart, they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, they will be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

Have a blessed day everyone.

I.t W.i.L.l B.e T.o.O l.A.t.E…

 

I’m gonna simile like nothing’s wrong …
talk like everything is perfect …
act like its a dream …
and pretend nothing is hurting me …

’cause I’ll find my way..
I know you’ll wake up one day..
but it’ll be too late

( Author : Unknown, thelovebook.wordpress.com  )

M.o.T.h.E.r..

 

If I were hanged on the highest hill,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know whose love would follow me still,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!

If I were drowned in the deepest sea,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know whose tears would come down to me,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!

If I were damned of body and soul,
I know whose prayers would make me whole,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!

(Mother O Mine by Rudyard Kipling)